Your coworker meets with you for coffee one morning, when out of nowhere, they start to unload really detailed and traumatic experiences on you. Perhaps you feel trapped and used, like you aren't the right person to help them. What your coworker did is known as trauma dumping.
Trauma dumping can be a reaction to traumatic experiences, and it can be related to conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which impacts 8% of the general population. At SUN Behavioral Health Houston, we help patients and their loved ones understand trauma's impact on a person's life. Today, we are going to discuss what trauma dumping is, why it happens, and what to do if you or a loved one experiences it.
Understanding Trauma Dumping
The term "trauma dumping" refers to when someone overshares complex thoughts and emotions with others. More specifically, it refers to when this action is done during inappropriate times and places. They can feel overwhelmed and helpless because they aren't prepared or trained to be able to respond to this kind of information.
Trauma dumping can be associated with people who are experiencing depression, anxiety, (PTSD), or those who have stressful work or home environments. Sharing our emotions and experiences is a good thing, and it can facilitate healing when done appropriately. However, trauma dumping can be more harmful to everyone involved because it can increase anxiety and stress levels.
Trauma Dumping vs Venting: Are They Different?
You might wonder how trauma dumping and venting are different from each other. Both involve expressing emotions, concerns, and frustrations to another person. However, that is where they begin to differ.
Venting is when you relieve emotional expression by discussing it with another person. Healthy venting can be helpful for healing and often involves a balanced conversation. All parties involved in venting listen and don't feel burdened by the information presented. It includes sharing frustrations with someone or having a mutual venting session with a close friend.
Trauma dumping is one-sided and can traumatize the person listening. When someone is being trauma-dumped on, they may feel like the other person is trying to pass off their concerns or have someone save them. It involves oversharing at inappropriate times, being unwilling to find a solution, and throwing deep, heavy things at one or more people without warning. Often, it is done with people they aren’t close with. They may go on longer than someone finds reasonable or comfortable to sit through and listen.
4 Easy Ways to Know If You’re Trauma Dumping
Many people who are trauma dumping are not aware they are doing it, and it can be subjective as it relies on how the other person feels about what is happening. There are ways to become more self-aware of when it might happen. Ultimately, it comes down to paying attention to your conversations with others. Below are 4 questions that you can ask yourself during these interactions that can let you know if you are trauma dumping with them.
"Did the other person get a chance to share their own emotions and thoughts?" When you consider the conversation you had with another person, considering this question can be a significant indicator if you were trauma dumping. If you carried the entire conversation and never allowed them to share their thoughts, it could be seen as trauma dumping.
"Does this person feel comfortable sharing their traumas with me?" In other words, do you have a relationship with this person in which they would share their traumatic experiences with you? If the answer is no, there is a good chance that they may have felt like you had trauma dumped on them during your conversation.
"Are these thoughts and emotions being shared at an appropriate time?" There are appropriate times to share certain things, and then there are inappropriate times. The other person might feel uncomfortable or disregarded learning this information without being able to say anything in return.
"Would it be better to discuss these topics with a licensed therapist instead of this person?" Alongside the question above, sometimes, the most appropriate time and place to discuss specific topics is with a licensed therapist. They can help lead you through the thoughts and emotions you have. Additionally, not everyone is mentally equipped to navigate certain degrees of trauma. While in therapy, your therapist can also help you determine appropriate times to share your experiences and better methods of communicating your experiences.
The Effects of Trauma Dumping & Oversharing at Inappropriate Times
While reaching out to people for support is a good thing, trauma dumping is not a healthy way to accomplish this. Talking about trauma is not harmful by itself, and it can be a healing experience, but only when done in a way that is safe for everyone involved.
Hearing sudden and intense trauma can result in several uncomfortable emotions for a person. Suppose the person you are trauma dumping on has experienced a similar trauma. In that case, it may retraumatize them or trigger distress and anxiety. Hearing these details without being fully prepared or giving consent can be overwhelming. If the other person hasn't had a similar experience, they may feel hopeless, helpless, taken advantage of, or frustrated.
It can also damage your relationship with them. The other person may feel traumatized by the experience due to the new information. It can also make them uncomfortable, which may lead to them pushing you away. The listener may believe they are being manipulated or that the dumper is crossing their boundaries. This is because they may feel like the person sharing is dishonestly trying to receive pity or additional support, even if that is not the person’s intention.
How to Overcome Trauma Dumping as the Dumpee and Dumper
As mentioned above, trauma dumping can be a very stressful experience that can cause damage to the overall relationship two people have. If you are the person being trauma dumped on, there are things you can do to help them recognize that you are uncomfortable with the current conversation in a compassionate way.
- Find a way to step away. Let them know that what they are listening to is difficult for you to hear and that it is too much for you to listen to at this moment.
- Establish your boundaries. Let them know that while you do what to listen to and support them, it is still essential for you that they respect your emotional boundaries. You can tell them there might be better times to have these conversations. Keep in mind that you can establish these boundaries at any time. You don’t have to wait until the conversation is happening.
- Discuss conversation expectations. This involves informing the person what you want and feel comfortable discussing while interacting.
Likewise, some tips can also work for the dumper as well. If you have noticed that you may participate in this action regularly with the people you are around, utilizing these ideas can help you get on the same page with those you care about. Here is how a dumper can apply them to their life.
- Take frequent pauses. While you are talking, occasionally insert long pauses. These allow the other person to speak up and engage in the conversation. Pauses also will enable them to process the information or inform you if they are uncomfortable moving forward.
- Respect any mentioned boundaries, past or present. Before the conversation starts, ask the other person if sharing a traumatic experience with them is okay. During the conversation, continue to check in with them on their feelings and pay attention to nonverbal cues that indicate they might be uncomfortable. Stop at any point if they no longer seem comfortable with the conversation.
- Ask them about their conversation expectations. Ask the other person what they feel comfortable discussing and respecting their decision. Remember that they still have the right to decide something is too much during the conversation, which should also be respected.
- Set a time limit. Ask them if you can discuss a traumatic experience with them for a set number of minutes. Move the conversation to a different topic once the timer is up or shortly after.
- Be willing to listen in return. If the other person is okay with listening to your traumatic experiences, it is also crucial that you are eager to listen to anything they have to say. They might have been through a similar situation or have valuable insight that might help.
Many times, trauma dumping can be a sign that someone needs therapy for trauma. Attending treatment can provide you with the space to properly heal from your traumatic experiences without hurting the people that you love and care about.
Getting Help for Trauma in Houston, TX
Trauma can have a significant impact on your life. It often changes you and may result in the development of several disorders. Healing from trauma is still possible, even if it feels overwhelming. At SUN Behavioral Health Houston, we offer a no-cost consultation that allows you to meet with one of our specialists as they design the care plan that will best help you find the recovery you deserve.
SUN Behavioral Health Houston solves unmet needs in Houston. For some people, trauma can make some moments feel like a crisis. Attending our 24/7 crisis care can help you find the stabilization you need. For more information about our trauma therapy, call us at 713-796-2273.
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